11 Secrets of Successful Relationships. Okay, so we all know that the path to a successful relationship is paved with three basics: trust, commitment and communication. But what about the other stuff? The things that successful couples don’t talk about? Just like KFC doesn’t reveal the details of their secret herbs and spices to the public, successful couples don’t go throwing about their secrets to success all willy-nilly. But then again maybe they should …
Did you know that in the U.S., over 50% of marriages end in divorce? In fact, the average marriage only lasts five years. And in Southern California (for some reason), divorce rates are over 75%!
If these stats don’t scare you, they should. In an age of junk food, junk TV and junk content, could junk relationships be the next thing added to the list? Pfft – not on our watch! We hunted down eleven secrets that will have you subscribing to Cupid’s sanity once again.
Note: No successful couples were harmed in the making of this article.
Secret #1: Successful couples put themselves first
Yup, you heard correctly. Successful couples don’t put each other first – they put themselves first. They understand that taking care of themselves in body, mind and spirit is the first step towards being a successful couple.
They realize that just because they are a couple, that doesn’t mean they need to neglect all of the things that make them happy. Putting themselves first may mean spending a day at the spa, going for a jog every morning, keeping their wardrobe up to date, going on a yoga retreat or even attending personal development seminars.
Don’t get me wrong, successful couples don’t go all diva on each other, fling a hand in the air and holler ‘oh no, you don’t, I gotsta take care of myself!’ There’s a balance and they simply take care of themselves, inside and out, so they can be the best person possible both as an individual and as one half of a successful couple.
Secret #2: Successful couples check out other people
At the end of the day, we’re only human. And as humans, we can all appreciate a fine bit of eye candy, right? In fact, a leading secret of successful couples is that they unashamedly admire other people. That means looking, without guilt, shame or fear of angering their partner.
Successful couples feel welcome to appreciate the world in all of its bountiful beauty, including admiring the beauty of the people around them. They don’t berate each other for sneaking a quick peek at a nice butt or toned legs. They go with the flow and understand that no matter what, they love each other and the relationship they’re in.
Remember, looking at other people doesn’t mean that one of the partners wants to leave the relationship or that they necessarily want to sleep with anyone else. It just means that the couple feels comfortable and content in their relationship and can express themselves freely.
Secret #3: Successful couples are equally needy
Have you ever been in a relationship where your phone was virtually blown-up by all of the texts, picture messages, pokes, comments, mentions and calls it received from your partner? Or maybe you felt like your relationship slipped a little more into the ‘stalker’ box than the ‘couple’ box?
The truth is that we can all be a little crazy at times, especially when we’re in a relationship. But the secret of successful relationships is that the couples are equally as crazy as each other. They have an unspoken agreement about the level of neediness that they can both tolerate, and then ensure that they stay within that range.
For some successful couples, texts at 2am saying ‘wat r u dreamin about?’ are normal and even welcomed. For others, there is little to no communication during the day. It’s all about the neediness compatibility and staying within those boundaries.
Secret #4: Successful couples are Facebook friendly
Get this – in 2011, Facebook was implicated in a third of all divorce filings. A third!? That’s crazy talk, people! At least, successful couples think so. This is because successful couples ensure that their Facebook is a relationship-friendly zone.
Not sure what we mean? Have a quick flick through your friends list on Facebook. Are there any friends that your current partner may object to? How about your private messages? Would the discovery of any of these make you squirm?
Facebook and other social media sites have made it all too easy for us to play up in our relationships. This is why successful couples take measures such as listing their relationship status, having appropriate friends and being honest and open with their communications on social media sites. Sure, it’s about trust, but it’s also about understanding what makes each other uncomfortable and what can hurt your partner’s feelings.
Secret #5: Successful couples complain about each other
As much as we’d all like to think that we’re the epitome of the perfect human, the reality is that we can all be really annoying at times. Yep, even successful couples.
Successful couples leave glasses all over the house, forget to clean up after themselves and always do that annoying head-tilt thing when they’re thinking about something. They leave the keys in the door, forget to take out the trash and hate doing the washing. Successful couples are not perfect, not as individuals and not as a couple. Which is why, to release some of the tension that builds up naturally from cohabitating and spending a lot of time with each other, they complain.
Not to each other, mind you. They don’t want to start a fight over something stupid. Instead, they complain to someone they trust. It might be their Mom, their Dad, a sibling or their best friend. It could even be their dog. But whoever it is, they make sure that the person is always available for them to let loose with a good ol’ rant every now and then.
And then? They let it go and move on.
Secret #6: Successful couples lie
Forget about being open and honest always and forever, successful couples know that every now and then you just need to tell a little white lie. Whether it’s the truth about a new outfit, how you really feel about their parents, what actually happened to their favorite t-shirt or why you’ll never eat their cooking, sometimes it really is best to lie.
Let’s face it; little white lies keep each other smiling. If your partner knew that you thought their outfit was horrible, that their parents were nasty, that their best t-shirt was ruined on your washing watch and that their cooking sucked, they might be more than a little miffed.
Successful couples know when to tell the truth and when it’s best to tell a fib. They know that some things are best left alone and aren’t worth fighting over. Their overarching goal is to make each other happy and if it takes a few white lies to keep the peace, they’re happy to make that sacrifice.
Secret #7: Successful couples keep secrets from each other
Much like the fact that successful couples tell white lies, they also have their own secrets. Ones that not even we were able to get out of them! Now before you go thinking that being in a successful relationship is a complete sham and based on a foundation of deceit, consider a few things: If you opened up your wardrobe and let all of your skeletons fall out, what would happen? For some, it may mean admitting that an ex-partner was smokin’ hot in the bedroom. For others, it could mean owning up to the fact that they had/have a massive crush on their boss.
Eeep! These types of things are never, I repeat never, meant to see the light of day! Keep those suckers locked up in the cupboard. What purpose does it serve to tell your partner that you had a saucy dream about your boss? Or that every now and then you pretend you’re kissing your favorite celebrity? None, none at all. It would only hurt their feelings and cause insecurity. So successful couples keep some things (not everything) locked up tight in their vault of secrets. And not even an evening splashed with exorbitant amounts of vodka can unlock it.
Secret #8: Successful couples challenge each other
You know that song by Robbie Williams, the one about being a better man? That’s the type of mantra that successful couples abide by. In fact, they even push it further to encourage each other to be a better wo/man.
Successful couples value each other’s dreams as much as they do their own. They place a huge importance on helping each other grow and develop and ensuring that their life together is an adventure. Sure, it might mean that sometimes they fail or end up making a fool of themselves, but they do it together and with each other’s support. Besides, the journey is half the fun!
Secret #9: Successful couples see other people
Before you panic, let’s be clear – successful couples do see other people, but not the other people you’re thinking of. We mean other people including friends and family. Phew, feel better? Okay, let’s move on. A secret of successful couples is that they maintain an active social life (and identity) outside of their relationship. They aren’t each other’s sole source of entertainment and interaction and have a flourishing support network around them.
While it may seem counterintuitive to spend time away from each other, having friends and family that you are close with eases the pressure on your own relationship. We all need different relationships for different purposes, and turning your own romantic relationship into a one-stop emotional shop only puts unnecessary pressure and tension on you both.
Secret #10: Successful couples don’t like each other
Gotcha! Just making sure you were still paying attention. What we mean is that successful couples don’t like each other all the time. And considering that your partner is likely the person that you spend the majority of your time with (outside of the workplace) this seems fair. Personality clashes are bound to happen, even if you love your partner deeply.
Successful couples understand that arguments, fights and disagreements happen. It’s only natural. So they make sure to fight fair by keeping the arguments relevant and open and then when it’s over, forgiving and forgetting. Just like your partner has super annoying habits that can really irritate you sometimes, you’re bound to not like each other very much at other times. Successful couples put it all into perspective and above all, love each unconditionally.
Secret #11: Successful couples have don’t have regular sex
Last but not least (and don’t act surprised you knew this was coming, no pun intended) successful couples have mind-blowing, earth-shattering, sizzling sex. Wait, what? Wasn’t the secret that successful couples didn’t have regular sex? Well, sure. But define regular. Successful couples place less of an importance on the frequency of sexual activity and more importance on the quality. They may not have a routine to turn every Saturday into ‘sexy Saturday’ or allocate Sunday as their ‘saucy Sunday’, but instead they have sex when and how they like. There are no routines, schedules, regularity or predictability about their sex life. They enjoy a passionate, impulsive and fulfilling sex life.
See, Cupid didn’t lose the plot after all! These well-kept secrets are now yours for the taking. Do with them as you will! But remember, each couple is unique and what works for one couple might not work for another. So take what works and ignore what doesn’t. And why not create some of your own success secrets along the way?
(youqueen.com)
